


if you can't summon your own tentacles, store-bought is fine

by stultiloquent



Category: DCU (Comics), Red Hood and the Outlaws (Comics), Red Hood/Arsenal (Comics)
Genre: Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Crack Treated Seriously, Double Penetration, M/M, New 52, Overstimulation, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Tentacle Sex, Tentacles, Tumblr: Tentatodd Week, i don't think they are entirely in-character in this tbh, inappropriate use of Roy's engineering skills and knowledge, references to tentacle monster!Jason, warehouse shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:33:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23633158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stultiloquent/pseuds/stultiloquent
Summary: Roy likes to build things, and he likes testing them out on Jason.
Relationships: Roy Harper/Jason Todd
Comments: 10
Kudos: 136





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> For Day 2 of TentaTodd Week! I saw the prompt, "Technology & Toys", and there was really no one else but Roy who came to mind. That man canonically works on all kinds of machines to pass the time, and he canonically tests them out on Jason. I didn't want to completely stray away from the theme of the event however, so I made sure to sneak in plenty of references to the Brothers in Blood storyline and the fact that Jason actually had his own tentacles at some point. (Continuity? What continuity?)

Not for the first time, Jason found himself regretting saying "yes" to Roy Harper. He loved the man, but Roy was also the type to try making something just because he could without much considering whether he _should_ , and Roy with an idea was a dangerous combination.

Case in point, right now. Jason was kneeling on the bed, cock hard and heavy from all the teasing touches Roy had already given him, hole twitching from his fingers hitting just the right angle Jason couldn't reach on his own. He was aching, ready for more, until Roy presented his latest _idea_ to him.

On the bed before them sat three silicon tentacles of varying sizes. 

They were a shock of plasticky pink against the rumpled sheets, pinned down by two sets of gazes. Jason eyed them with apprehension. Roy gave them a passing glance of interest, and then eyed Jason again with a smirk, just barely hiding a shit-eating grin beneath the smirk.

"Come on, Jaybird. You'll like it, promise. You liked what I made for you too, last time." Roy said, and Jason felt his ears and the back of his neck heat up at the memory of the vibrator Roy customised and teased him with for hours. He shifted against Roy's hand, the one that kept him tucked against Roy's flank even after he'd sat back on his haunches. The hand never stopped rubbing up and down his side, and now the caresses only heightened the heat simmering beneath Jason's skin.

"Besides," Roy continued in a lower voice, picking up the tentacle that's about the size of a standard dildo and turning it so the suckers lining the tip were on display. "I already know you want this."

Instantly, Jason's blush turned into a scowl. Back when he and Roy and Kori first hung out, they played a game of Never Have I Ever at Roy's request. It was to get to know each other better, Roy had said. They'd all thought no one could top Kori's sexcapades, until Jason let slip that he'd been a tentacled beast for a short while. At the time he didn't know if he would ever go back to becoming fully human, and he was only a man. Curiosity had gotten the better of him.

Jason cursed internally at his past self. "I should've never told you that." 

"Hmm, maybe, but you also didn't know I'd be able to _make_ you new tentacles. I'll make you anything, I'd never judge." 

Jason didn't know what to make of Roy saying shit like that so nonchalantly. It still threw him off-kilter, when Roy would lay himself bare before him with words and gestures that left him completely vulnerable to his witness. He could feel the damn blush returning full force as he grappled for a response. It was really ruining his rep.

"Just shut up before I change my mind."

Miraculously, Roy obeyed, dropping a wordless, open-mouthed kiss on Jason's nape in lieu of a gleeful response. He gave Jason's hip one last squeeze before pulling away, and Jason shivered at the unspoken promise of what was to come.

He heard the sound of the lube bottle being uncapped. Then, Roy's hands returned, one hand parting Jason's cheeks to keep his quivering hole on display. He heard Roy's hum of appreciation, no doubt admiring his handiwork, and then he felt a ridged tip press against his entrance.

It was an interesting but not unwelcome feeling, the intrusion made gradual thanks to the tapered end, and yet he could feel every single ridge and dip of the suckers as they popped past his puckered rim. He could still remember when he actually did this to himself in the privacy of his New York safe-house, and there were more similarities than differences in the feeling of the tentacle breaching him then and the tentacle breaching him now. He sucked in a breath, trying not to let his eagerness show so soon, but Roy must have mistaken his reaction as one of hesitation.

"Alright?" Roy asked, carding his free hand through Jason's curls in a soothing manner.

"Yeah- yes." Jason turned his head a little so he could give Roy a short reassuring nod. Roy pressed a quick kiss to Jason's forehead, and for a second Jason felt his heart flutter in a ridiculous moment of tenderness that was dissonant with the feeling of a tentacle stuffed up his ass.

Then, Roy settled his hand onto his waist. "Ready for more?" 

Jason nodded, expecting Roy to start thrusting the tentacle in at a familiar pace. What he did not expect was the click of a switch being flipped, and the low thrumming sound as the tentacle came to life and began to writhe inside him, licking his insides like a long tongue.

"Shit." He swore and gripped the sheets beneath him, trying to get used to the feeling and ground himself. But then he caught sight of the two unused tentacles lying among the bunched up sheets, remembered what his own writhing tentacles _looked_ like pressing into himself, and a low moan slipped out of him before he could stop himself.

"Good, huh?" Roy breathed against his ear, the grin apparent in his voice, and somehow breathless as well just from watching Jason take it.

Jason wanted to tell Roy to shut up again, but then one of the tentacle's ridges nudged up against his prostate, and his protest was lost to another shuddering moan. This proved to be his undoing, because Roy was starting to run his mouth, the way he did sometimes when Jason was too caught up in his own pleasure he left himself helpless at Roy's mercy.

"Tell me Jase, what exactly did you do with those tentacles of yours? How many times did you come fucking yourself on them?" As he was saying this, Roy pulled the tentacle out and started thrusting it in with precision, every thrust a direct jab against Jason's prostate, and Jason was a wordless, gasping mess.

"How many did you take at once? Bet you weren't satisfied with just one. Bet you were dripping lube and come by the time you were done."

Jason moaned in agreement, jerking his hips and pressing back onto the tentacle as Roy narrated the details of his memory with unwitting accuracy. He was suddenly overcome with want - a violent desire that engulfed him whole and set his nerve endings aflame - he wanted it, what Roy was describing.

"Wish I was there, make you take all of your tentacles at least once before the night was over."

"Put- put your money where your mouth is, Harper," Jason managed to gasp out, and he felt Roy smother one of those devilish grins of his against the back of his neck. Jason had a distinct feeling that this was what Roy had been trying to get him to admit since the session began, but he was too turned on now to be bothered anymore. 

"Yeah? Got two more. How do you want them?" Roy paused his ministrations on the tentacle inside Jason, leaving it to pulse and writhe in a distracting manner as he reached around Jason and picked up the two other tentacle dildos on the bed. One was as long as a forearm. The other was the smallest of the trio, about the size of the phallic gag they'd played around with before. 

Jason peered up at Roy. He had a hungry look in his eyes, the kind that betrayed he was just as turned on - if not more - than Jason. It dawned on him then, that Roy was really, properly _into_ this. An idea struck him, and he summoned his composure from _somewhere_ as he chose his next words and hoped he wasn't reading Roy wrong.

"Well, to answer your earlier questions... I definitely went more than one round. There were just so many tentacles--"

Roy groaned. Jason could feel Roy's own responding arousal twitch against his hip where he was draped along his side, and Jason felt inexplicably pleased that he could render Roy speechless for once.

Emboldened, he continued, "Mm, pretty sure I had three in me at some point. Tasted so good, I couldn't decide to put them in my mouth or my ass--"

"Jesus _fuck_ , Jay. Now I really wish I was there."

Jason bit his lip against the smirk that was threatening to overtake his face. "You're gonna have to improvise, sorry."

"Way to set a high bar." Roy turned away with a put-upon moue.

"Hey, no." But even as Jason said this, Roy was pulling away, tentacles in hand. A baser part of him panicked at the possibility that he wouldn't be able to seek release with the tentacles in him tonight. "I swear to god Roy, if you leave me like this--" Jason grabbed Roy by one of his wrists. When he glanced back up, Roy was shaking, trying not to giggle and ruin the moment entirely.

"Ugh, you're an ass." 

Roy burst out laughing. Loud bellowing guffaws, his whole body rolling with it, his cock slapping against his belly rather ridiculously. Jason would've laughed along at how stupid it was, but the first tentacle was still brushing against his insides in the most delicious way, just enough to keep him squirming but not enough to lead anywhere. And the man who was supposed to get him off was now laughing like an idiot instead. _Now_ Jason was annoyed. He snatched the smaller tentacle out of Roy's hand, whose grasp had loosened in his mirth. "Fine, if you're not gonna finish what you started--" 

"Oh, I'm gonna." Roy's chuckles subsided, and suddenly he was all-business again, voice dark with promise, and Jason would be annoyed at the way his breath hitched almost like a Pavlovian response, if Roy didn't also pull Jason flush against him and grind his cock against the back of his thigh deliberately. "I'm gonna fuck you open with this tentacle--" He reached down to the tentacle that was still plugged into Jason's hole and twisted it in just a little bit deeper, and Jason shuddered-- "And then I'm gonna feed you the other two tentacles at the same time. Give you something to suck on while you ride the biggest one for me. Then, when you're all sloppy and loose from the tentacles, _then_ I'm gonna fuck you with my cock. You'd like that, wouldn't you?" 

"Fuck." Jason's eyelids fluttered shut as he lost himself to the visual, because he _did_ remember how that felt like, to have the pulsating tendrils curl in deep, brushing the most intimate places past where a cock or fingers could never reach. And there was something to be said for Roy just _taking_ his pleasure afterwards and leaving him in ruins. Jason wanted to let him.

"Yeah." Roy's voice was husky with desire too. "Thought so."

And then he started thrusting the tentacle in, at a punishing pace that combined with the rhythm of the writhing appendage left Jason fighting to not lose his mind entirely to the pleasure too soon. He had to hold onto whatever he could grab to keep himself grounded - one hand tightening its grip on the smaller tentacle, the other holding on to Roy's arm that remained wrapped around his front.

But it was hard, with Roy plastered all along his back, cock grinding against his thigh, mouth sucking a ring of marks around his neck and collar. It reminded him of the way the tentacles that weren't plunging into him had wrapped around his neck back then and left suction marks too. How the others had wrapped themselves around his torso, kept him in place, just like he was being held in place by the restricting arm now, as the tentacles took turns fucking into him.

The lone tentacle inside him felt very lacking in comparison, and he knew with sudden clarity that it wasn't going to be enough to make him come.

"Roy," he said urgently. "Roy I want the other one in me now."

"Yeah?" He felt the tentacle being pulled out of his ass, and he clenched down on it almost instinctively.

"Wait, no," Jason reached around and stilled Roy's hand. "I want them both inside me."

Roy paused. "You sure?" He actually looked uncertain. It was one thing to talk about it and fantasise about it, it was another thing to actually try it. Jason already had one tentacle in him, about the girth of a normal cock at its widest part, and the other tentacle wasn't much thinner. And in the months they've been sleeping together, Jay had never tried taking two cocks at once.

"Hey. I told you I took three at the same time before; I actually wasn't lying. I can take it. And uhhh..." Jason faltered, ducking his head. And it's funny, how he was able to talk frankly about the tentacles earlier, with the sort of shamelessness that gave Roy a run for his money, had already let Roy stick a tentacle into him and fuck him with it, but _this_ somehow felt a lot harder to admit. "Uhh... I've sorta been... training myself. For you..."

If Jason had kept his eyes on Roy's, he would've noticed the way Roy had to close his eyes and swallow hard to keep a handle on his own lust. As it was, he only saw Roy's hand wander down his midriff to grip his as yet untouched cock, and then he was bucking into the teasing strokes. When Roy spoke, his lips brushed along the shell of Jason's ear. "So you've been practicing, huh? Care to share, Jaybird?" 

Jason squirmed. He didn't like to keep a running commentary but, well, in for a penny, in for a pound. "Been using the vibe on myself when you're down in the shop... And adding fingers..."

"Yeah? And how many fingers did you get up to?" Roy punctuated his next stroke with a nudge at the tentacle in Jay's ass, pulling a full-body tremble from the man in his arms.

"Three," Jason managed to ground out. "I can take three with the dildo in at the same time."

Roy choked, his rhythm faltering as he realised all the times he'd been left alone to tinker with his toys in the garage Jason had been just one floor above him, fucking himself silly with fingers and toys of a different variety. 

"Go on." Jason took the moment of reprieve to pick up the long tentacle that had been discarded onto the sheets. "I can take it. Just use lots of lube."

Roy freed his hands and took the tentacle from Jason. When he glanced up, he saw his own hungry look mirrored in his blue eyes. When Roy had first started building these tentacles out of spare parts and a toy octopus he'd found, he'd half expected Jason to disregard it as another one of his experiments-turned-practical joke. He had no idea Jason would want it this much, much less that he himself would want it too. But he did, he wanted so much to see Jason helpless as the two tentacles made a mess out of his ass. Well, he mused, as far as weird kinks went there were weirder ones. He took this discovery in stride, and without another word, got to work slathering the long tentacle with copious amounts of lube just as Jason instructed. 

When Roy was done, the tentacle was glistening - almost dripping with lube, and Jason thought it looked a pretty good approximation of his own tentacle arms that had been dripping slick right before they dove into his hole and took him apart from the inside. He felt his hole twitch around the tentacle currently inside him at the sense memory, and the hunger that had been steadily gnawing at the pit of his stomach started to grow unbearable.

"Fuck, really want it now." Jason muttered, unaware he said it out loud until Roy uttered breathlessly in turn. "Shit, Jay, you're gonna kill me."

It was a testament to how far gone he was that Jason didn't supply a witty response this time. Instead, he just rocked back onto the tentacle still twisting inside him to stay his desperation. It had been fun trying to surprise and tease Roy, but now he just wanted to get off. And he _really_ wanted the other tentacle inside him five minutes ago.

"Just, come on. Give me your fingers first." He dropped the smaller tentacle still in his grip and guided Roy's unoccupied hand to his hole, where it was stretched around the still-gyrating tentacle. There was another click as Roy turned off the toy to better accommodate his lube-slicked fingers. With the buzz of the motor cut off, the room suddenly fell deathly quiet, the only audible sounds that of the two men breathing heavily in anticipation. Jason's breath caught on an exhale when one of Roy's careful fingers slipped past his rim with little resistance.

"Yeah... Like that..." Jason's mouth fell slack as he let go of Roy's wrist and let Roy dig his finger in further, stretching him with practiced ease. Before long, he had two fingers in and was three knuckles deep, thrusting slightly and jostling the tentacle at a haphazard rhythm that was just shy of satisfying, and drove Jason entirely crazy with want.

"Now, Roy... _Now_."

Roy shushed him. "Yeah I got you. I got you. Gonna give you what you need."

Jason felt the fingers slip out, and then immediately a tapered tip took their place, nudging in without another second to spare.

"Yes," Jason panted as the other tentacle slid into him, and finally, _finally_ gave him that stuffed-full feeling he had missed but hadn't been able to replicate on his own.

While Jason tried to settle into the stretch, Roy grabbed a spare hair tie from the nightstand and secured the two tentacles together at the base. Jason was still panting, squeezing around the twin tentacles experimentally to get used to the feeling, when Roy turned them both on at once. Jason nearly screamed, hands scrabbling at the sheets as he jerked, caught between bucking away and grinding down onto the writhing mass.

"Shit. Shit!" 

Roy didn't give him another moment to catch his breath, because he was pulling Jason back down to the tentacles with one powerful arm around his waist, the other twisting the tentacles in by the twin base, fucking Jason on the two gyrating limbs with a single-minded focus to make him come. And Jason would never be caught dead admitting this outside the bedroom, but he loved it when Roy took control like this. He needed it, just a moment in his week where he didn't have to be the responsible one and could be allowed to just let go.

"Hey, Jay," Roy broke into his thoughts suddenly. "Hold these for me, will you?"

Roy untangled one of Jason's hands out of the sheets and wrapped them around the base of the tentacles. 

"What are you gonna--" Jason's question fell away to a thoughtless whimper when Roy used his free hand to nudge the third and final tentacle against his mouth. Instinctively he opened his mouth wide and rolled out his tongue, moaning appreciatively as the weight on his tongue started writhing as well.

With Roy still guiding the pace, Jason began to ride the tentacles in earnest. He could only imagine what a sight he was making, stuffed full with tentacles on both ends, bouncing hard enough to make the bed creak, his lower abdomen smeared in sweat and precome, slippery tentacles squelching as they sunk inside his hole again and again. His hand was shaky, but he didn't dare loosen his grip on the base of the tentacles. His other hand held onto Roy's guiding arm for dear life. It was getting increasingly difficult to keep going, and he knew with the telltale tightening in his gut that he was not far from finishing.

"Let go, Jason." That was Roy's voice, once more bringing him back to the present, and suddenly Jason registered a high whining noise that had started falling out of his own mouth at some point without his permission. "Let go." 

He made a sound, the exact words muffled by the tentacle tickling the back of his throat until Roy released it from his mouth.

"Gonna come, Roy," he stuttered out, words slurring a little, "Gonna come."

"I know, baby. I got you. Let go."

"No, can't. Promised I'd let you fuck me."

"I want you to come first. I'm still gonna fuck you afterwards. You like it when I do that, don't you? Make you take my cock even when you're all spent?"

Jason nodded without any pretense. Roy forgot that Jason got like this sometimes. Not often, but when he really let himself go, he trusted Roy so simply and artlessly. 

"So let go. Let go for me."

It didn't take more than a few more thrusts in right against his prostate before Jason was coming with a shout, thick white ropes catching on Roy's forearm and a few stray droplets hitting his pecs. When he was lucid enough again, Roy was already turning the tentacles off. One by one the motors died down, the twisting tentacles slowed to a stop, and then it was only the sound of Jason's harsh breathing, his come-splattered chest rising and falling rapidly as he tried to catch his breath.

"You okay?" There was a gentle hand sweeping his sweat-soaked curls away from his eyes and arranging them into a semblance of order. The arm loped around Jason's torso loosened, and Roy smoothed that hand up and down his front in a mesmerising motion, even as it smeared the mess of sweat, lube, and come on Roy's arm and Jason's chest everywhere. It spoke of how wrung out Jason was that he didn't comment on the mess.

"Yeah, I'm good." His voice was still trembling a little from the aftershocks. "Fuck, that was better than good."

"Yeah? I could tell." And then, because Roy was incapable of not being an asshole for fifteen minutes-- "Wouldn't have pegged you as horny for tentacles though."

Jason shot him a look. "Pot, kettle."

"Touche." 

They both chuckled. Unfortunately, this jostled the tentacles still inside Jason, and he winced. He flexed his hand a little, the one that was still trapped between their bodies in its grip on the tentacles, and slowly tried to tug them out. He hissed when the ridged suckers brushed against his sensitive spots.

"Hey, can you give me a hand here?"

It took them a few tries and a lot of unnecessary stimulation on Jason's part before he recovered enough brain cells to realise they needed to pull the tentacles out one by one. By the time Roy was pulling the last inch out, Jason was breathing heavily again, cock twitching weakly but still too spent to rise properly from the feeling of the suckers popping out his hole one after another.

And he knew he wasn't going to come again in such a short period, but fuck, he could feel how open the tentacles had left him, and Roy had spent the last half hour neglecting his own cock just to get _him_ off. He shifted slightly so that when he grinded back onto Roy, his cock slotted perfectly in between his cheeks.

"Oh shit." He could feel Roy's huff of breath against the back of his neck. "Jay, you still wanna do this?"

"Yeah. I said I'd let you. And you need to come." The unspoken _duh_ was clear in his voice. 

"I don't really need to come with my--"

"Hey, I'm saying I want you to." Jason unhooked one of Roy's arms from their loose embrace and laced their fingers together. "Okay?"

And Roy, bless him, was still looking unsure. There will be times when Jason would actually appreciate Roy exercising more caution, but now was not the time. 

"Come on, Harper." He was not above playing dirty when the occasion called for it, and as he reached behind him to give Roy's cock a purposeful squeeze, he grinded back onto him again, just enough for the head to dip slightly into his loosened hole. Roy's fingers twitched in Jason's, and his groan drowned out Jason's own sigh. 

"Yeah, yeah, okay." 

Roy pulled him in for a quick kiss to the mouth and then eased back a little. Then, two hands settled onto his hips, and Jason leaned forward a little on the palms of his hands in anticipation.

Roy slid his hands down to the swell of Jason's ass, squeezing the cheeks a little, and he watched transfixed as Jason's still-loose hole swallowed one wandering thumb almost immediately. He dipped his other thumb in as well, and tried to hold him open to see the extent of the stretch.

"Damn. They really stretched you good huh?" He said in wonder as he rubbed his thumbs inside. There was enough lube left over that it was spilling out a little from Roy's exploring fingers. 

"Quit fucking around if you're no-- oh God." Jason cut off as Roy plunged three thick fingers in without warning. Jason immediately clenched down onto the fingers, trying to chase that stuffed-full feeling from earlier but to no avail. He needed them thicker, heavier - he needed Roy's cock.

He must have been telegraphing his thoughts, because Roy tapped his fingers against Jason's prostate twice more and pulled them out. 

"Yeah, gonna give it to you. Get on your hands and knees properly." And Jason was moving before Roy even finished his sentence, settling his knees just a little wider from his hips. This was familiar territory, and he raised his ass just that bit higher when calloused hands returned to hold his cheeks open.

And then Roy was feeding his cock into his hole, the head and the rest of the length pushing in in one smooth glide. It settled something within Jason when Roy bottomed out, even as the pressure fell more on the side of too-much than pleasurable. He was still feeling the aftereffects of the tentacles where they pressed all along his walls and left him raw inside. But this was about Roy now, and Roy deserved to feel as good as he made him feel. After all, this was the reason he goaded Roy into fucking him in the first place. He clenched down onto Roy to give him more friction, biting his teeth against a whimper as Roy fucked into him with abandon, the feeling of each thrust magnified as they hit all his overstimulated spots over and over again. It didn't take long before Roy's rhythm was stuttering, as he pulled Jason's hips back against his on a few final thrusts and spilled inside him, murmuring soft praises the entire time.

Roy was still murmuring small bits of phrases and what sounded like "I love you"s as he pulled out and settled Jason onto his front. Jason had half a mind to get up to the shower and force Roy to at least wipe off with a towel as well, but his body was a mass of liquefied bones and useless limbs. He contented with the mess for now, and let Roy pull him into a sticky, sweaty embrace as exhaustion claimed him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided to post the crack section of the story in a separate chapter, if that's not your thing you can turn around now.

It was about six hours later when Jason awoke to the sound of a crash and a yell down in the garage. He registered the yell as that of Roy's and his training kicked in. He vaulted off the bed immediately, gun swiped from the dresser and loaded, and a spare sheet tied around his waist in a makeshift kilt. He was already two steps out of the room when the soreness caught up to him. His muscles protested the sudden movements, and there was a mess of fluids sliding down the back of his thighs in a reminder of last night's activities, but he gritted his teeth and stalked silently down the halls and stairway until he reached the entrance to Roy's workshop.

He peered around the doorway, already running the worst case scenarios through his head and how best to come out of them with both him and Roy intact.

What he saw was so far out of the left field that it actually took him a few seconds to process the scene before him. 

In the centre of the room was a tentacle, about the size of the long tentacle they played around with last night, except it had a dagger attached to it and was whipping it around wildly. The tentacle seemed to sprout from a wooden box, which was rocking from the sheer force of the tentacle’s swings and rattling dangerously on the stool it was balanced on. All around the stool and on the nearby work bench lay smaller sized tentacles. It looked like someone had murdered a mechanical octopus and scattered its remains across the area. And on the other side of the room stood one Roy Harper, armed and bowstring pulled taut, arrow aimed right at the rogue tentacle.

"What the fuck?" Jason said. Belatedly, he dropped the gun back down to his side.

"Step out of the way, Jay. I got this." Roy nodded at his arrow, which Jason realised was an asbestos arrow at a second glance.

"No, Roy. What the _fuck_ ," Jason repeated with feeling, gesturing at the tentacle, which was still waving its knife around angrily. 

"Oh, that." When it became clear Jason wasn't going to move from his spot, Roy set his bow and arrow down. "That's just one of the spare tentacles I had left over. I found this neat little wooden box and the parts all fit in snugly, so I figured why not? Now I can't reach the off switch on the base without getting my fingers sliced off which, yeah, lesson learned, but--" 

"I didn't ask _how_ you made this. I want to know the _why_. What made you think it was a good idea to make-- What even is this _supposed_ to be? A useless tentacle weapon? A toy to make children cry?"

There was a clatter as the boxed tentacle finally toppled over the stool and hit the linoleum, where it continued to wriggle uncontrollably, making a ruckus whenever the knife scraped and stabbed the tiles.

"It would make a pretty effective weapon, actually, if you threw it at your opponents."

"You would have to be able to pick it up first. Also, not the point!" Jason looked at the speed and ferocity with which the tentacle was whipping around, and clenched his ass in sympathy. Then he looked at the tentacle again. “Is that my _knife_?”

It was. It was the kris dagger Talia gave him once upon a time. It was also sharp enough to slice through damn near most gear in this warehouse. Call him sentimental, but this was one of his most prized weapons for a reason.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and counted to five in his head. “Alright, Harper. You are going to find a way to disarm this tentacle without wrecking my knife. I am going to get dressed and get us breakfast. Wreck the knife and I’m breaking your bow.”

He heard an indignant squawk behind him as he turned around and walked out. First order of business, a shower. Then, he was going to brew himself the strongest tea he had in the pantry.

He was nowhere near awake enough to deal with this right now.


End file.
